“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

I was on the phone and the man I was speaking too, asked me to hang on for a moment. I could hear his 7 year old child in the background crying hysterically. Once he calmed a little and was able to tell his father what was wrong, he said that one of the kids that he was playing basketball with called him a loser. I then heard this man yell out to the kids “which one of you called my son a loser?” He then proceeded to yell at another 7 year old child, “what is wrong with you? Can’t you see you hurt his feelings?” The father then came back to the phone and said he had to go and take care of the situation.

After we hung up I sat back and thought to myself, what is wrong with that man? What is the message he is sending to his child firstly, and secondly what message is he sending to the other kids involved?

It made me think about being a kid and of course the old adage “Sticks and stones came to mind. I did a search on the Internet and looked up the old rhyme and low and behold many have written about it. Most go into rants about politics and religion (i.e.) hate crimes and battles of religions and so on. Others spoke about how it has hurt them and affected their lives and they live with the emotional pain and scars. Then there are still others that claim they were not affected by the words but they display a lot of anger and do not show much emotion like they have shut everything down.

We as adults and parents have the most influence over our children. SO, the biggest question is “What are we doing to our children?” Why do we take our hurt and suffering and let it spill all over our children? I had asked the question earlier, what is wrong with that man for his reaction to his child’s feelings being hurt? Well I know what is wrong with him he was reacting to his own childhood and how he felt as a kid, (we grew up together). He was taught the sticks and stones rhyme, apparently the words hurt him more.

I know, I know a lot of you are probably thinking maybe I should put myself in his shoes. I can, as I was physically and mentally abused as a child, which led me into abusive relationships with men. I made mistake after mistake in relationships and would preach to my beautiful girls do not make the mistakes I made. I do have to say that at 17 and 21 they are both very strong and independent women. They both have been through more life experience than most will experience in a lifetime. Neither of them blame or use the emotional pain as an excuse for things they do wrong or mistakes they make along the way. If you continue to read my blog posts you may get a glimpse into what their worlds have been like in the short time they have been on this earth.

I have tried very hard not to let my emotional pain from childhood spill onto my kids, I did teach them that kids will say things to try and hurt them, that they do not understand as kids the impact that they have on others feelings. I taught my kids to accept others as they are no matter race, religion, handicap, whatever the situation may be. I think the hardest to teach kids is to be themselves and that they do not have to change anything about themselves or compromise who they are to please someone else. I have taught my kids that there will always be someone who will accept them for who they are and if they can’t then you don’t need them in your life. It is better to a have one friend for a lifetime than a multitude of acquaintances.

“I always say if you can’t accept me for who I am, I did not need you before you came into my life, I do not need you now.”

Words are just words and it is amazing how we will internalize the hurt and let it consume us and affect our lives in every way. As an adult and mother I know it is my responsibility to teach my children right from wrong and that 2 wrongs DO NOT make a right.

We have to put our emotions about our abuses aside and teach these kids the right way to handle situations and how to deal with them on an emotional level. Too many people use their emotional scars as excuses for the wrong things they do. We have to take responsibility for our actions and ourselves.

Ok so don’t get me wrong it is human nature to want to protect our children, but in situations like that we have to think first. There is a strong possibility that the message he sent to his child was it is ok to be a crybaby, I will always fight your battles. He may have also sent the message to the bully that his kid is a wimp, you tell the rest of the kids and he will be taunted for life. He could have very possibly scared the other kids to death being that he is a very large man. In any event, personally I would have gathered all the kids together and tried to figure out what the situation was and I would try to explain to all of them how hurtful words could be to others.