Home Hospice

My mother and I had discussed, at one point, where she wanted to be when she passed away. She hated hospitals, and she said that she really wanted to be home. I told her that if it were possible, that of course, I would have her home. Well the time came and I panicked, I wasn’t sure if I could do it. But with my family’s support I called in Hospice.

They brought everything to my home, I had cleared out my living room and had a hospital bed brought in. It was put in the middle of the room in front of the TV. She liked it in the living room, it was the center of the house and she could see and be around everyone. Actually, I would say she spent the last, at least, 6 months in there and slept on my couch. Hospice was wonderful; the people were very helpful and supportive.

I knew she was getting close to passing because the last thing she said to me was that she couldn’t see me anymore and she was so weak. She never really regained any consciousness after that and slept most of the time.

I believe she could hear me though, and I would talk to her. She used to like to hear my husband play guitar, so he would sit with her and play softly.

One time I was in the other room listening and I heard him talking to her quietly. He told her never to worry about her girls, that he would take care of us. When I think about that it still brings tears to my eyes. I wouldn’t let anyone touch her, when she was awake she only wanted me around her to do anything for her. So the nurse would come and would instruct me and I did all the care taking.

They even helped me get a priest there to read her last rights and we all gathered around her and said prayers with him, it was beautiful. The night before she passed, my brother made it here from Florida. I had decided that I wanted to sleep in her bed with her because if she went in the night I did not want her to be alone. So I pulled her bed next to the couch and I laid half on the bed and half on the couch. I slept next to her on her pillow and listened to her breathe all night (I didn’t get much sleep).

My brother and sister slept on the floor next to her bed. Anyway, the following day the nurse came and checked her vitals and said it would be another 24-48 hours. I took her outside and told her “no,” I said that she would go that day. The nurse argued with me, and I said fine, and she left.

A couple hours later her breathing started to get really labored and I was sitting next to her holding her hand and telling her it was ok to go. Then, for the first time in days she opened her eyes, took her hand from mine, reached above my head and said “mama” and tears started flowing down her face. Within 5 minutes she took her last breath.

It was amazing and if I ever had any doubt that loved ones were waiting for you on the other side, I don’t have that doubt anymore. Now mind you, her eyes were open and her mouth was open when she passed. I called the funeral home and they said they would be there as soon as they could. I think it was about 2 to 3 hours before they got there and I kept going in the room where she was and I would kiss her forehead and tell her I loved her.

They then came and explained to me what they were going to do, and if I wanted to leave I could. Well I asked if we could all have a minute to say our last goodbye and they said of course. I walked back in the house and as I went to call everyone in the room, I looked at her, and her mouth had closed and she had the most pleasant smile on her face. So I yelled to everyone to come see, and we all knew it was her way of telling us she was ok.

My mother was petrified to die and I know in my heart she was telling me it was ok. That was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it is really weird how you think, “how would I do that?” And then when the time comes, you just do it. I think back now and I am so grateful that I was able to find the strength to do that for her.